This blog is about computer software (and other things that come to mind to keep it interesting) --- my fascination with it as something with an almost "divine" potential, almost in the same way I see music. Also, it's a glimpse into something that is probably foreign to you and that you wouldn't know about otherwise. Somewhere in the dark corners where I hide. You see I am the last philosopher. And the only reason why I allow this at all is because I made a kind of mistake in my life and also realized kabbalah (which made clear to me that whatever I'm doing in this life, however solemn, is relatively unimportant), so interesting turn of events since I deviated from my path to the stars and ended up here. I'm shamelessly promoting myself until I'm capable of an old seriousness and can look back on this to see what it meant. (also to try blogging and experimenting with socializing a bit to see what I'd not have any other way or reason to find out about)

Saturday, October 29, 2011


if anyone wants to know the truth about life then here it is:

from the logical perspective life is not about the little things, but about power, or a quality beyond anything cumulative (anything that can be held or pinpointed).  it amounts to something invincible (link), creative and infinite.
from the emotional perspective life is about the little things, the small countable meaningless things because in them lie the little people, or the masses, and in becoming competitive, petty, and stupid like them you in a sense show them love, and become a part of a greater emotional wave that has the potential to be all inclusive.
to sum up the absolute truth cannot be described but from these two perspectives we are able to approach it; there is a purpose to everything, and so nothing in particular matters, but it seems we must approach the dismal prospect (as it seems to us) in order to come face to face, as it were.

money is only a representation of what's of real value, and the only thing of real value is the quality of people's lives, while this depends entirely on their relationships.  money is only the organization of a process of exchange between people, something we manage but that reflects something of true value, nothing in itself.  the notion of profit reflects the corruption of our egoism, and tyrannizes just as much as seduces, deceiving the weak.  it is necessary to invest only as much as is needed, and never risk anything beyond our current capacities, but our greed makes us reckless, and then we form corporations without the scope for the level of detail that reaches the bottom and true efficiency, forcing us to make up for that with slaves and optimism, pushing on our basic rights.
it's unnecessary to send out surveys to find out what people need.  the only thing that is necessary is to be efficient, so that the things that need to be dealt with become apparent, and the only thing that is a focus should be the quality of people's lives within the corporation, so that the company becomes like a living monument unto the world, and this is of the greatest value to us.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Black 1992 Honda Accord w/ tinted windows (for sex)

I'm going to chronicle my trying to get a car, and that will probably help me actually get one!  What a fcking great idea.  I'm seriously haven't been trying to get one for a long time.  So now you're all my witnesses.  This is the plan:

First off in order to get the car I must know how to drive, or I will have no desire to make the effort to save (for the car). 
In order to know how to drive and be allowed legally I must go to driving school, and to do that I must get a permit. 
(can a permit and driving school be seen as one thing?)

So get a permit.
Go to driving school.
Take the driving test.
Save money while searching for the right car (looking for an old honda accord, something modest).

Then comes the verifications, and the set ups:
I have to have temporary vehicle insurance (I don't know how to do that)
Have the car checked by a mechanic (where?)
Vehicle history report
Make sure I have other stuff I might need (pink slip, etc.)
Test drive
Research legal stuff, rights, whatever.

And throughout the entire process learn about cars enough to make an informed decision.  (start by looking at car specs and finding out what they mean, simultaneously going through lessons)

Something like this.

But the first step is to learn to drive, and that means getting the license, which means in order to get to the school to get the permit.  That means if I have a permit I can learn to drive so I can pass the driving test and get my license, so that I will have learned to drive and now I can look to buy a car. 
The first step is to make sure I know the handbook and pass the first test. 
Why is this so hard for me?  You might ask.  I'm not sure.

I don't know anything about vehicle insurance and so I will have to look at different insurance providers later. 


It's from people's ignorance that the darkness is created, in which those who know can pierce through into a light that is an even greater distance.

It's hard to explain the nature of the iridescence in this light, like that of memories and dreams, except more lucid than even waking life.

Even now that i've left it behind i can see how special it is, and unknown by the masses.  i had this need to simply make a point of it.  I can't describe it.

but just to clarify I am not a hermit per se, only something close, and what i brought back with me from there is this: the truth about moral interpretation.
so there are these people who have notions of right and wrong, and there is no right and wrong.  every notion of what should and shouldn't be gets in the way of accepting how things are and appreciating what is.  there are people who side with the majority and they call it humanity, but in the end no one can be left out.  there are people who call it love but without responsibility there is no independence, and it turns into attachment, forming packs in the world to survive, but love is like music, immutable, unwavering independence, and a resulting harmony.  what most people call love is like noise.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


I'm going to now review some video editing software!

Vegas Pro 11
Well first of all, I like the icon.  It's of an aperture, I think.  A lens. 

The program is really nice, very streamline and workable.  I had no problem exploring the interface and I feel that I could really learn all about it just looking through it like that. 
I tried to open some files and immediately there appeared to be files I couldn't open.  Here are the file formats that are supported (straight from their site):

Saves: AA3, AC3, AIF, ATRAC, AVC, AVCHD, AVI, DPX, EXR, FLAC, H.264, HDP, MOV, MP3, MPEG-1 and MPEG-2 video, MP4, M2T, Sony MXF, OGG, PCA, RM, W64, WAV, WMA, WMV

It doesn't play mkv's, which I love.  Nor does it play avi's encoded in wmv3.  or maybe that's just me.

I really like the cropping tool; it's easy to change things up like that.  I had this idea to get a bunch of porn of a girl I like and make a montage of only her face.  I could probably do that in there. 

Most of all I like the way it's laid out, the sophistication of it, and the marker that you drag to move through videos.  It lets you play the video and sound as you drag it.  That's very important.  To me. 

There's a trimmer in there too, to save portions of videos or something.  It all seems very useful.

As for Adobe Premiere Elements 10 I don't like the icon that much.

Doesn't play mkv's either. 
But it did play the avi's I couldn't play with Vegas before, though corrupted.  I don't know what that means. 

I like the interface of Vegas better, it seems more thorough and sophisticated, while Elements is more user friendly.  It's preview is larger (though you can adjust the size of the panels in Vegas), and it doesn't move as smoothly when you drag the marker. 

I also like the way that the time line moves in and out; I haven't figured out what that is yet.

So anyway while I like both of them I clearly like Vegas more, though perhaps for completely ignorant reasons I'm unsure. 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


i'm sorry for being so hateful all right i got it!!!  i'll try to be better; i'll go rub my face in some girls that'll teach me.  i better go take care of that.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


So I did nothing today; absolutely nothing, except go through portal 2 with the cheat on. 

I realized today that nothing short of the spiritual can really change my life.  The spiritual is the great focus that everything else we can see falls short of, that thing we tend to overlook because it's IMPRACTICAL!  It's idealistic and says little about our lives.  But it's for that reason also that people see life as an overwhelming chaos and look for backdoor answers like blind faith and the scientific method, taking sides to avoid accountability as individuals, unable to deal with life directly.  And it's this helplessness (what is judged as external will never be brought under control) that in turn complicates and overwhelms.  It's futile and always reverts back to chaos, and suffering, so it very much in the end, when you've gone through it enough, relates to our lives.

Except it's just as difficult. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Check this OUT!!!!

I learned something today.  As soon as you get energy in life you have to use it purely/solely to help others, bring them up too―simultaneously (no waiting, no order! No egoistic intention?).
And then you will deal with the unfriends (animals/parasites) who don't understand this, but you will see more clearly the value of the effort. 
And to all those who compete!:
Making a point of things (life conception of "right") means you're just defending yourself; it's better to be honest with yourself―that's when you'll be the most creative.  Otherwise you'll find you're at a loss of strength for the things you make a point of. 
To be successful you must get to a place where you can rest, in which the best of you becomes natural, and you "might" have to steal to get there (so no saying you're "pathetic" or that you're "bad").

(pathetic and bad; two birds with one stone!)

You want to read my blog?!!!!! Youu GOT IIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

Okay.  Guess what I had another thisty day at work today; work really sucks.  You know why?  Because it's slavery.  A job is really the illusion of security of a discouraged nature that does not appreciate it's place in the economy.  But there is no security except the genuine concern of people who are not as unfortunate, which is lacking!  But not non-existent, which is why there is some good and things don't just fall apart.  There is corruption in the world but it appears to be like the dying cells of our body, only a destructive thing in total ignorance of its great purpose.  This is the nature of egoism, and calculating profit, which is what every advantage is doing in this deficient system!  Pushing each other down!  Encouraging a world that pushes you down!  It will ultimately fail miserably.  We can all hope for that!  It will be a spectacle at least.
So anyway the corruption in the job is evident in how dumb people like to make a point of optimism, but it would be responsible to be efficient, and to organize things in such a way that the problems and areas of improvement become obvious, instead of ignoring precisely these small details that would streamline things, and constantly look for new strategies and techniques!  Roll your fcking eyes at the little things and still strut about optimistically because you want to get promoted, because you know how to engage the competition.  When you really just want to fit in--don't lie!  You're not responsible!  It's not what really matters "on the inside."  DON'T LIE. 

Anyway the lesson is that the things that make a person competitive are the same things that make them indolent sentimental fools!  Like a gangster and his religious nonsense. 
No offense to gangsters, and not just because you'll kill me, but because it's not about right and wrong; I just have a lot of hostility.  To hate someone is simply to be angry, like a pinprick.  To get away from them is to no longer hate them.  That's what I'm trying to do.  In fact if you avoid moral interpretation you can easily love the people you once hated if you can simply get away from them.  Everyone needs their space!  But gangsters are in a sense more honest expressions of the nature of how things are in the world.  Everything is very aggressive, masked in pretensions and overconfidence.  Everything is a fight, hatred even, ready to choose ourselves over anyone else.  "The beginning of homicide."  it's no harmless thing to be a coward (*ahem* christians).  Everybody is a part of this.